Betrayal trauma deeply affects a spouse, manifesting in emotional turmoil, haunting images, heightened alertness, sleep disturbances, anxiety, diminished self-worth, and doubts about their identity as a woman. Many men struggle to grasp the profound emotional distress even seemingly minor indiscretions can cause. Statements like, "I only watch porn occasionally," reveal a significant disconnect in understanding a woman's emotional and psychological landscape. This trauma inflicts an almost ineffable pain, and healing becomes a profoundly personal quest that demands immense love, grace, and forgiveness. While the path to recovery is intricate and extended, healing is attainable. There are ways, as discussed below, to alleviate some of the pain. Key to this process is patience, empathy, and a genuine commitment to prioritizing the affected partner's needs over one's own feelings of guilt or shame.
These ideas / suggestions for consideration may not work for everyone, they are a compilation of the most often suggested approaches to help your wife/partner work through her trauma and betrayal. Keep in the foreground that for quite a long time (years likely) she will feel unsafe, be hypervigilant questioning everything and be unable to trust and the smallest things in life can trigger an outburst from her trauma. She won’t be herself in these moments, and more than anything she needs a stable foundation. It is always advisable to work directly with a professional counselor / coach trained in betrayal trauma, porn addiction or problematic sexual disorders. You can find many competent resources at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us.
Remember, there is a little girl inside your wife who needs safety, protection, reassurance, strength, and honesty. This season of repair will require consistent and persistent effort to help her feel safe. No one is perfect, and during what feels like terrible emotional attacks, remember that she is in unspeakable pain, and her words are not coming from her heart. It will pass. Lean on your faith and others to process the experiences when necessary.
Note: these are suggestions for consideration, they are not meant to be prescriptive or in any way to replace working through each of these suggestions for consideration with a trained professional.