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Recovery—whether from addiction, trauma, codependency, or childhood neglect—is ultimately about coming home to ourselves. It's about restoring our ability to feel, to trust, to protect, and to connect. One of the most important (and often most challenging) aspects of this healing journey is learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries—both with ourselves and with others.
For many people in recovery, the concept of boundaries can feel confusing or even threatening at first. Maybe we grew up in environments where boundaries were blurred or nonexistent. Perhaps we learned that saying “no” wasn’t safe, that we had to earn love through compliance, or that expressing our needs would lead to punishment, guilt, or abandonment. Over time, those survival strategies became habits, and the idea of asserting limits can now feel selfish, mean, or even dangerous. But here’s the truth: Boundaries are not walls. They are bridges to authentic connection. They are how we teach others how to treat us, and how we honor our own emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. In recovery, setting boundaries is not only a skill—it’s an act of self-respect, self-protection, and self-trust. So how do we begin? Here are some of the most effective tools for setting boundaries while healing: 1. Start with Internal Boundaries: Not Every Thought Requires Action Before we can set clear boundaries with others, we have to get good at noticing what’s happening within ourselves. Internal boundaries help us manage our emotional reactions, impulses, and expectations. One helpful tool is the “PAUSE” practice—when you notice a rising urge to react, give, fix, rescue, or defend, pause. Ask yourself:
2. Use Clear, Kind Communication: Say What You Mean Without Shame or Aggression Many of us were never taught how to express our boundaries clearly. We either go silent and suppress (leading to resentment), or we explode after too much buildup (leading to guilt). Recovery invites us to communicate with clarity and compassion. Try this simple structure: “I feel [emotion] when [situation], and I need [boundary].” Example: “I feel overwhelmed when I get multiple texts while I’m working. I need to keep my phone off until I’m done and will respond when I’m available.” You don’t need to over-explain or justify your needs. Direct, respectful language is enough. 3. Honor the ‘No’—Yours and Theirs Saying “no” is a birthright, not a betrayal. When we learn to say no without guilt, we teach others that we value our time, energy, and emotional capacity. Likewise, learning to receive someone else’s “no” without trying to change their mind builds mutual respect. A powerful mindset shift: A “no” to others is often a “yes” to yourself. If you struggle to say no, practice gentle phrases like:
4. Know Your Non-Negotiables As you recover, it’s vital to get clear on your personal values and bottom lines—what you will and won’t tolerate in relationships. This is your foundation. Write down your non-negotiables: things like honesty, respect, emotional safety, or sober spaces. When a relationship consistently violates your bottom lines, it may be time to create distance or reassess its place in your life. This doesn’t mean you’re abandoning people—it means you’re choosing not to abandon yourself. 5. Use Somatic Cues as Guides Boundaries aren’t just intellectual—they’re felt in the body. That tightening in your chest, the pit in your stomach, the urge to flee, the sense of contraction around certain people or conversations—these are your nervous system’s ways of saying, “Something doesn’t feel safe.” Learning to trust these cues, rather than override them, is a powerful step in boundary-setting. Use grounding tools like breathwork, movement, or placing a hand on your heart or belly to reconnect to what’s true for you in the moment. 6. Expect Discomfort (and Don’t Let It Stop You) Boundaries, especially in early recovery, can feel deeply uncomfortable. Guilt, fear, or anxiety often show up when we begin asserting ourselves. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re growing. Remember: discomfort is not danger. When we’re healing, unfamiliar patterns often feel wrong simply because they’re new. Be gentle with yourself, and lean into the support of a trusted community, therapist, or fellowship as you learn to hold your ground. 7. Debrief and Repair Boundary-setting is a learning process. You won’t always get it right. You might say too much, say too little, react impulsively, or shut down. That’s okay. What matters is your willingness to reflect and, if needed, make a repair. Ask yourself:
Healing Through Boundaries The more we honor our boundaries, the more we build trust with ourselves. We begin to feel safer in our bodies, clearer in our relationships, and more connected to who we truly are. And in that space, recovery deepens—not just as a process of letting go of what no longer serves, but of becoming who we were always meant to be. You are worthy of space. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to protect your peace, your energy, your heart. And you don’t have to do it perfectly—just courageously, one step at a time.
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Summer of Marshall Rosenberg's Method of Communications
Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a transformative approach to interpersonal communication that fosters understanding, connection, and conflict resolution. Rooted in principles of compassion and nonviolence, NVC is designed to help individuals express themselves authentically while deeply listening to others without judgment or blame. Rosenberg developed NVC as a response to the habitual patterns of communication that often lead to misunderstanding, resentment, and aggression. By focusing on core human needs and feelings, NVC promotes empathy and encourages cooperative problem-solving. The NVC framework consists of four key components: Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Requests. The first step, Observation, involves describing a situation objectively without attaching interpretations or evaluations. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” one might say, “When I spoke earlier, I noticed that you looked at your phone.” This clarity prevents defensiveness and fosters mutual understanding. The second component, Feelings, encourages individuals to express their emotions rather than attributing blame. Instead of saying, “You make me so angry,” one could state, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard.” This shift in language allows for honest emotional expression without triggering defensiveness in the listener. The third component, Needs, highlights the fundamental human needs behind emotions. Every feeling arises from either a met or unmet need. For instance, frustration over not feeling heard could stem from a need for acknowledgment or connection. By identifying and articulating these needs, individuals gain clarity about their own inner world while making it easier for others to empathize with them. The final component, Requests, involves making clear, doable, and positive action requests rather than demands. A request should be specific and actionable, such as, “Could you put your phone away while we talk?” instead of a vague statement like, “I wish you would listen to me more.” By framing communication in this way, people invite cooperation rather than coercion. A key aspect of NVC is the practice of empathetic listening, which involves tuning into the other person’s feelings and needs without judgment or an agenda to fix or argue. This means reflecting on what the other person might be experiencing and demonstrating understanding. For example, if someone is upset, rather than defending oneself, an NVC practitioner might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling hurt because you need more consideration.” Such an approach de-escalates tension and builds trust. Examples of Applying NVC in Different Situations:
Recovery from addiction is one of the most challenging and transformative journeys a person can undertake. It requires courage, honesty, and vulnerability—qualities that many of us struggle to embrace after years of isolation, shame, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Fellowship groups, such as those found in 12-step programs or other recovery communities, provide a powerful foundation for healing and growth. They offer a unique space to connect with others, share experiences, and develop the skills we need to build healthier, more fulfilling lives. This document includes benefits of fellowship groups, a list of recovery groups as well as some of the treatment centers in the US for various addictions. Here’s why fellowship groups are so essential in recovery: Belonging: You Are Not Alone Addiction often leaves us feeling isolated and hopeless, as though we’re trapped in a pit of despair. Fellowship groups offer a lifeline by showing us that we are not alone. Being surrounded by others who understand our struggles helps us realize that our pain and experiences are shared. This sense of belonging is deeply healing and can help rebuild self-esteem. Sharing: The Power of Connection Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation. Many of us spend years hiding our struggles, burying our pain, and pretending everything is fine. Fellowship groups break that cycle by providing a safe space to share our experiences—both the good and the bad. Sharing our stories not only helps us release shame but also empowers others who are on similar journeys. The act of sharing is a two-way street: when we open up, we allow others to see that they are not alone in their struggles. At the same time, listening to others’ stories helps us connect and learn from their experiences. In doing so, we create a network of mutual support. Feelings: Learning to Face and Express Emotions For many of us, addiction was a way to avoid feeling anything at all. Whether it was pain, fear, sadness, or even joy, we used substances or behaviors to numb ourselves. Fellowship groups provide a safe space to explore and express these feelings—something that can feel terrifying at first. In the group setting, we learn to name and process our emotions, a skill that many of us never developed. Over time, this practice helps us build emotional resilience and reduces the urge to escape into old habits. Non-Judgment: A Safe and Anonymous Space One of the most liberating aspects of fellowship groups is the lack of judgment. These groups are built on principles of anonymity and unconditional acceptance. You can share your deepest fears, regrets, and hopes without fear of ridicule or rejection. This non-judgmental environment creates a rare opportunity to be fully seen and heard. For many men, this is especially important. Society often conditions men to suppress vulnerability, making it hard to open up about struggles or feelings. Fellowship groups challenge that narrative by providing a supportive space where authenticity is celebrated. The Transformative Power of Fellowship Fellowship groups are more than just a place to talk—they are a powerful tool for transformation. They help us move from isolation to connection, from shame to self-acceptance, and from emotional avoidance to emotional growth. Through belonging, sharing, emotional exploration, non-judgment, and intimacy, we learn how to heal and build a life rooted in authenticity and purpose. For anyone in recovery, these groups are a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. Together, we can navigate the challenges of life, support one another, and discover the strength to live in recovery, one day at a time. This list includes national addiction recovery organizations, both 12-step and alternative models, as well as therapeutic and clinical programs offering recovery support for sex, porn, drug, alcohol, and trauma-related addictions.
At times a fellowship group may not be sufficient for reaching your full goals for recovery. This is a list of just some of the treatment centers available for porn, sex, alcohol and drug addiction centers. There are many more available. It is advisable to research each center and understand their approach to recovery, the types of services they provide and the on-site staff they have available.
Default Responses
Our default responses are automatic, unconscious reactions to situations, shaped by our past experiences, conditioning, and core beliefs. These responses often reflect how we've learned to cope with stress, challenges, or trauma. They can be influenced by early childhood, cultural norms, family dynamics, or trauma, and often serve as defense mechanisms to protect us from emotional pain. Over time, these responses become habitual, guiding how we navigate relationships, conflict, and self-perception. Development of Default Responses: Early Conditioning: We observe and internalize behaviors from parents, caregivers, and our environment. This can shape how we respond to criticism, failure, or conflict. Trauma Influence:Trauma often leads to defensive or protective responses, such as avoidance, dissociation, or heightened sensitivity to criticism. Reinforcement: Repeated experiences reinforce these responses. For instance, if avoiding conflict worked once, we might continue that response to avoid discomfort in future conflicts. Core Beliefs: Our underlying beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world contribute to the formation of default responses. If we believe "I am unworthy," we might react with shame or defensiveness when criticized. Examples of Default Responses: Judgment: Toxic:Judging others or ourselves harshly. "They’re so stupid," or "I’m such a failure." This response often stems from feelings of inadequacy or fear of vulnerability. Healthy: Using discernment without placing moral judgment. "I don’t agree with their actions, but I understand their perspective." Prideful/Defensive Responses: Toxic: Deflecting feedback or acting superior. "I don’t need help; I’m always right." This response is often rooted in insecurity, where admitting mistakes feels threatening. Healthy: Accepting feedback with humility. "I appreciate your perspective, and I’ll reflect on it." Black-and-White Thinking: Toxic: Seeing situations in extremes, without nuance. "If I fail this, everything is ruined," or "You’re either with me or against me." This stems from fear and often leads to rigid, inflexible responses. Healthy: Embracing nuance. "This didn’t work out, but I can learn from it and try again." Fear-Based Responses: Toxic: Making decisions based solely on fear, such as avoidance or withdrawal. "If I try, I’ll fail, so I won’t bother." Fear-based responses limit growth and stem from a lack of self-trust. Healthy:Acknowledging fear but still taking calculated risks. "I’m scared of failing, but I’ll give it my best effort." Shame Responses: Toxic: Internalizing mistakes as personal failures. "I’m worthless because I made a mistake." This is often learned through environments that overemphasize guilt and blame. Healthy: Separating actions from identity. "I made a mistake, but I’m still worthy and capable of growth." Need to be right default response The need to be right as a default response often stems from a deep sense of insecurity, a fear of being vulnerable, or an over-identification with one's opinions and beliefs. It can create tension in relationships and lead to rigidity in thinking. Below are examples of how the "need to be right" default response manifests: Defensiveness Example: "That’s not what I said, you misunderstood me! You always twist my words." - When confronted with feedback or a differing perspective, the person immediately becomes defensive. They perceive disagreement as a personal attack, making it hard to have constructive conversations. Dismissing Others' Opinions Example: "You just don’t understand the full picture, let me explain why I’m right." - Instead of acknowledging that others may have valid points, the person dismisses or devalues others' opinions, prioritizing their own perspective. This can come across as condescending. Black-and-White Thinking Example: "There’s only one right way to do this, and that’s my way.”- The person views situations in rigid terms, where there’s a clear right and wrong, and they always fall on the "right" side. This thinking leaves little room for compromise or alternative perspectives. Shutting Down Conversations Example: "I’m not going to argue with you. You’re wrong, end of story." - To avoid vulnerability or the discomfort of being proven wrong, they might shut down discussions or refuse to engage in meaningful dialogue. This prevents mutual understanding and problem-solving. Blaming Others Example: "If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way. It’s your fault, not mine." - This response deflects responsibility, framing others as the problem to avoid admitting mistakes. By shifting the blame, the person protects their need to maintain the appearance of being right. Excessive Explaining Example: "No, no, let me explain again, because clearly you didn’t get it the first time." - They may keep explaining or re-explaining their point, assuming that others just need more information to see why they’re right. This can come across as patronizing or overly controlling. Refusal to Apologize Example: "I didn’t do anything wrong, so there’s nothing to apologize for." - Apologizing would imply that they are not right, so the person avoids it at all costs, even when it’s clear that an apology is warranted. This damages relationships and creates emotional distance. Taking Criticism as a Personal Attack Example: "How could you say that? You’re attacking my character." - The need to be right makes criticism feel like an attack on their identity, rather than feedback on a specific behavior or action. This makes it difficult to receive constructive criticism. Winning at All Costs in Arguments Example: "You’re just arguing to argue. I’ve already proved my point, you’re just being stubborn." - Instead of seeking understanding or resolution, the person views the argument as a competition where they must "win" by proving their point. This often leads to conflict escalation rather than resolution. Using data to prove I’m right Example: "I’m going to show you the facts right now to show you that I’m correct." - The need to prove they are right in real time can manifest as obsessively fact-checking or pulling up evidence during a disagreement. While this can seem logical, the underlying motivation is often to win rather than to reach mutual understanding. Underlying Emotional Drivers:
These default responses can damage relationships and hinder personal growth. Recognizing this pattern and allowing space for other perspectives can lead to more open, compassionate, and authentic interactions. Anxiety and worry default responses Default responses that are anxiety- and worry-driven often stem from a need to control, anticipate, or prevent perceived threats or negative outcomes. These responses can manifest as overthinking, avoidance, or attempts to ensure certainty in uncertain situations. Here are examples: Catastrophizing (Thinking the Worst Will Happen): Example: "If I make a mistake at work, I’ll get fired and never find another job." - This response amplifies the perceived negative consequences of a situation, often spiraling into an exaggerated worst-case scenario. It’s driven by the fear of failure or rejection. Overthinking/Analysis Paralysis: Example: "I need to think through every single possible outcome before I make a decision." - In this response, the person becomes stuck in endless loops of worry, analyzing and re-analyzing a situation without taking action. It's a way to feel in control, but it leads to indecision and avoidance. Avoidance: Example:"I won’t go to the party because I might say something embarrassing." - This response is driven by the fear of experiencing discomfort, embarrassment, or failure. Avoiding situations feels like a way to protect oneself from anxiety, but it often reinforces the fear. Perfectionism: Example: "If it’s not perfect, people will think I’m incompetent." - Anxiety pushes the person to strive for unrealistic standards to avoid criticism or failure. The fear of imperfection leads to excessive worry about every detail. Constant Need for Reassurance: Example: "Are you sure everything is okay? Do you still like me? Are we still friends?" - This response stems from a deep fear of rejection or abandonment, leading to a pattern of seeking reassurance from others. It temporarily soothes anxiety but reinforces dependency and self-doubt. Hypervigilance: Example: "I need to be prepared for anything that could go wrong." Here, the person feels the need to constantly anticipate threats or danger. This can manifest as checking and rechecking details, being overly cautious, or feeling on edge in unfamiliar situations. Procrastination (Fear of Failure or Inadequacy): Example: "I’ll put off starting this project because I’m worried it won’t be good enough." - Anxiety leads to delaying tasks to avoid facing the discomfort of potential failure or criticism. The worry about not performing well leads to inaction, which can exacerbate the anxiety in the long term. People-Pleasing: Example: "I’ll agree to help, even though I’m overwhelmed, because I don’t want anyone to be upset with me." - This response is driven by the fear of conflict or rejection. The person may sacrifice their own well-being to avoid disappointing others, leading to stress and anxiety. These worry-driven default responses often create a cycle where the more the person tries to avoid discomfort or uncertainty, the more the anxiety persists. Identifying and addressing these responses can help break the cycle and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Feeling threatened default response When we feel threatened—whether physically, emotionally, or psychologically—our default responses are often driven by the brain’s survival mechanisms. These responses typically fall into one of the “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” categories, which are designed to protect us from perceived danger. Here are examples of default responses when we are threatened: Fight Response The “fight” response is an aggressive reaction to a perceived threat, where the individual tries to confront or overpower the threat. Example: Reacting with anger or defensiveness during an argument. Behavior: “I can’t believe you said that! You don’t know what you’re talking about.” This aggressive response often stems from feeling attacked or misunderstood, and it seeks to regain control of the situation through confrontation. Example: Becoming physically or verbally aggressive when challenged. Behavior: Yelling, slamming doors, or using sharp, hurtful words to assert dominance and push the other person away. Flight Response The “flight” response is a default reaction of trying to escape the situation, either physically or mentally. Example: Avoiding conflict or difficult conversations. Behavior: “I’m not dealing with this. I’m leaving.” This response seeks to avoid the perceived threat by removing oneself from the situation rather than facing the discomfort or conflict head-on. Example: Procrastination or distraction when faced with challenging tasks. Behavior: “I’ll deal with this later” or excessively busying oneself with minor tasks to avoid confronting the real issue. Freeze Response The “freeze” response involves a sense of paralysis or shutting down when confronted with a threat. It’s like the body or mind goes into a protective mode, making it difficult to take action. Example: Going blank or becoming silent in the face of confrontation. Behavior: Unable to respond verbally or think clearly during an argument or when receiving criticism. “I just froze. I didn’t know what to say.” Example: Dissociating during stressful or threatening situations. Behavior: “I just checked out; it was like I wasn’t even there.” The person mentally or emotionally disconnects from the situation, as if numbing themselves to the threat. Fawn Response The “fawn” response involves placating the threat by appeasing or pleasing others to avoid conflict or harm. It’s often rooted in fear of rejection or abandonment. Example: Over-apologizing or agreeing with someone, even when they don’t believe it. Behavior: “You’re right, I’m sorry, I’ll do whatever you want.” This response is aimed at keeping the peace by agreeing, even if it means sacrificing personal boundaries. Example: People-pleasing to avoid confrontation. Behavior: “I’ll just do whatever they want so they won’t be upset with me.” This might involve going along with others’ demands, even when it feels wrong or uncomfortable. Passive-Aggression (Combination of Flight and Fight) Passive-aggressive responses involve indirectly expressing anger or frustration when feeling threatened. It’s a way to avoid direct conflict while still trying to assert control. Example: Giving someone the silent treatment after a disagreement. Behavior: “I’m fine,” followed by cold or distant behavior, refusing to engage in meaningful conversation while subtly punishing the other person. Example: Sabotaging someone or subtly undermining them. Behavior: “I didn’t know you wanted me to do it right now,” said sarcastically after intentionally delaying a task to express displeasure. Hypervigilance When someone feels threatened, they might become overly alert and focused on spotting potential dangers or negative outcomes. This is often a form of psychological self-protection, but it can lead to anxiety. Example: Constantly looking for hidden motives or signs of betrayal in others. Behavior: “I knew they didn’t really mean what they said. I’ll be ready if they try something.” This response leads to mistrust and tension, even in safe environments. Example: Excessive worry about things going wrong. Behavior: “What if I fail? What if everything falls apart?” This anxiety-driven hypervigilance is aimed at preventing threats but often leads to stress and inaction. Stonewalling This response involves emotionally withdrawing or shutting down communication to protect oneself from feeling overwhelmed by conflict or confrontation. Example: Refusing to engage or respond during an argument. Behavior: “I’m done talking about this.” The person may refuse to make eye contact or give short, dismissive answers, creating a barrier to avoid dealing with the threat. Rationalizing or Intellectualizing When feeling threatened, some people cope by distancing themselves from their emotions and approaching the situation with logic, to the point of detaching from how they actually feel. Example: Explaining away hurtful behavior with logic rather than acknowledging emotions. Behavior: “I didn’t mean it that way; I was just stating facts.” This response can minimize the emotional impact of the threat but leaves emotional wounds unaddressed. These default responses to perceived threats are often unconscious and are shaped by past experiences, including trauma, family dynamics, or cultural conditioning. Recognizing these patterns can help individuals respond more mindfully and effectively when they feel threatened. Avoidance default responses Avoidance as a default response often arises from a desire to evade uncomfortable situations, emotions, or responsibilities. These responses serve as a defense mechanism to protect against perceived emotional or psychological pain, but they can hinder personal growth and create long-term issues. Here are examples of avoidance-based default responses: Procrastination Example: Delaying tasks that cause anxiety or discomfort, such as work projects, studying, or making decisions. Behavior: “I’ll get to it later,” or spending time on trivial tasks to avoid dealing with more important, stressful ones. This response delays the inevitable and often leads to more stress. Denial Example: Refusing to acknowledge a problem exists. Behavior: “Everything is fine; I don’t see the issue.” This response helps avoid confronting uncomfortable truths, such as a failing relationship, addiction, or financial trouble. Changing the Subject Example: Deflecting or steering conversations away from uncomfortable topics. Behavior: When someone tries to talk about a sensitive issue, the person quickly changes the topic to avoid engaging in the discussion. “Let’s not talk about that, have you seen the latest movie?” Emotional Numbing Example: Shutting down emotions or avoiding feeling vulnerable. Behavior: “I don’t feel anything; I’m fine.” The person disconnects from their emotions to avoid dealing with feelings of pain, sadness, or fear. This can lead to emotional distance in relationships. Escapism Example: Turning to distractions, such as TV, video games, or social media, to avoid facing reality. Behavior: “I’m going to binge-watch my favorite show instead of dealing with what’s bothering me.” This response provides temporary relief but doesn’t resolve the underlying issue. Avoiding Conflict Example: Steering clear of confrontation or difficult conversations to prevent discomfort. Behavior: “I’d rather just keep quiet than cause a fight.” This can manifest as staying silent during disagreements, avoiding boundary-setting, or never voicing personal opinions to keep the peace. Overcommitment Example: Taking on too many responsibilities or tasks to avoid focusing on personal issues. Behavior: “I’m too busy to think about that right now.” By filling their schedule with obligations, the person avoids addressing their own problems or emotions. Social Withdrawal Example: Avoiding social interactions or isolating oneself to escape potential stress or anxiety. Behavior: “I don’t feel like going out; I’ll just stay home.” This response helps avoid potential awkwardness, rejection, or judgment but can lead to loneliness and missed opportunities for connection. Avoiding Vulnerability Example: Avoiding opening up or sharing personal thoughts and feelings to prevent being hurt or rejected. Behavior: “I don’t want to talk about my feelings; it’s not a big deal.” The person keeps relationships on a surface level to avoid emotional exposure, which can prevent deeper connections. Substance Use Example: Turning to alcohol, drugs, or food to numb feelings or escape reality. Behavior: “I just need a drink to take the edge off.” Using substances as a way to avoid dealing with stress, anxiety, or unresolved trauma provides temporary relief but can lead to dependency and greater issues over time. Rationalization Example: Justifying avoidance behavior with excuses that make it seem reasonable. Behavior: “I’m too tired to deal with that right now,” or “I’ll do it when I’m in a better mood.” This response downplays the importance of addressing the issue and pushes it further down the line. Ignoring or Minimizing Problems Example: Downplaying a significant issue to avoid addressing it. Behavior: “It’s not that big of a deal; I’ll worry about it later.” The person brushes off problems, even though they require attention, in order to avoid the discomfort of confronting them. Indecision Example: Refusing to make a decision because it feels overwhelming or risky. Behavior: “I just can’t decide right now.” Indecision allows the person to avoid making choices that might lead to failure, disappointment, or regret, but it also leads to stagnation. Physical Avoidance Example: Physically avoiding people, places, or situations that provoke anxiety or discomfort. Behavior: “I’m going to take a different route to avoid running into them,” or “I won’t attend that event because it’ll be awkward.” This response helps avoid the anxiety of confrontation or social interactions but can limit opportunities for growth. Focusing on Others’ Problems Example: Distracting oneself by getting overly involved in helping others to avoid dealing with personal issues. Behavior: “I’m too busy helping my friend deal with their problem.” While this response can appear altruistic, it often serves as a way to avoid looking inward or dealing with one’s own problems. These avoidance responses are often protective in nature, aiming to reduce immediate discomfort. However, over time, they can prevent individuals from addressing important issues, creating a cycle of avoidance that leads to greater anxiety, stress, and unresolved problems. Recognizing these patterns is a key step in breaking the cycle and facing challenges more constructively. Masochistic tendencies as default responses People with masochistic tendencies often have default responses or patterns of behavior that reflect their need for pain or emotional suffering as a form of control, coping, or even gratification. These responses can vary, but some common examples include: Self-blame: They may instinctively take responsibility for problems or conflicts, even when they are not at fault. This often reinforces feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Seeking out negative situations: They might consistently gravitate toward unhealthy or toxic relationships, jobs, or environments where they are likely to experience rejection, humiliation, or failure. Minimizing their own needs: They may deprioritize their own emotional or physical needs, acting as if they don’t deserve happiness, love, or care. They might default to phrases like “It’s fine, I don’t need anything” or “I’m okay, really,” even when they aren’t. Provoking conflict: Some individuals with masochistic tendencies might subconsciously provoke others to criticize, reject, or mistreat them, reinforcing their belief that they deserve suffering. Resisting positive change: When offered help or support, they might downplay its effectiveness or avoid it altogether, staying in situations that perpetuate their pain. Internalizing criticism: They may deeply internalize any form of criticism or rejection, allowing it to reaffirm their negative self-view. Sabotaging success: When things are going well, they might find ways to undermine their own progress, reinforcing the belief that they are unworthy of good outcomes. These default responses often operate on an unconscious level, serving to maintain familiar emotional or relational patterns, even Anger management issues For individuals with anger management issues, their default responses often involve reacting impulsively, defensively, or aggressively in situations where frustration, stress, or perceived threats arise. Here are some examples of default responses: Immediate aggression: Example: In a traffic jam, a person might instantly start yelling at other drivers or honking their horn, even though it won’t change the situation. Defensiveness: Example: When receiving feedback at work, they might respond with, “Why are you always picking on me?” or “It’s not my fault!” instead of calmly considering the critique. Blaming others: Example: When a project deadline is missed, they might angrily say, “If you had just done your part right, we wouldn’t be in this mess!” without acknowledging their own role in the problem. Escalating conflicts: Example: During a minor disagreement with a friend or partner, they might raise their voice or resort to name-calling, turning a small issue into a major fight. Physical aggression: Example: If something minor goes wrong, like dropping their phone, they might throw it against the wall or punch a nearby object out of frustration. Passive-aggressive behavior: Example: Instead of directly expressing their anger, they might make sarcastic comments, give the silent treatment, or intentionally do something to annoy the person they’re upset with. Stonewalling: Example: When they get upset in a discussion, they might shut down completely, refusing to speak or engage, thinking, “If I don’t say anything, they’ll know I’m angry.” Overreacting to minor issues: Example: If their internet slows down, they might angrily exclaim, “This always happens to me! I can’t deal with this anymore!” even though it’s a temporary inconvenience. Assuming bad intentions: Example: If someone accidentally bumps into them at the store, they might angrily say, “Watch where you’re going! What’s your problem?” immediately assuming the other person did it on purpose. Holding grudges: Example: After a disagreement, they may say, “I’ll never forget how you disrespected me,” refusing to let go of the anger long after the issue should have been resolved. These default responses tend to be automatic and often intensify situations rather than de-escalating them, making it harder for individuals to manage their anger in a healthy way. How to change default responses Changing your default responses involves becoming more aware of your habits, understanding triggers, and practicing new behaviors. Here are some steps that can help: Awareness: Start by paying attention to your current default responses. When do they happen? What triggers them? How do you feel afterward? Journaling can help with this. Identify Triggers: Understand what situations or emotions lead to your typical responses. For example, stress or criticism may trigger defensive or dismissive behaviors. Set Intentions: Once you recognize your patterns, decide how you would prefer to respond. Be specific about the kind of response you’d like to replace the default. Practice New Responses: Start practicing the new behaviors you want to adopt. This can be done through role-playing, visualization, or real-life situations. You can also practice pausing before reacting to give yourself time to choose a different response. Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises can help you stay calm in situations that typically trigger your default responses. Reinforcement: Each time you successfully implement a new response, acknowledge your progress. Celebrate the small wins to reinforce the behavior change. Patience: Changing default responses takes time. Be patient with yourself and view each moment as a learning opportunity. Introduction
This document is designed to offer essential tools for the early stages of recovery. Life creates stress, and a strong desire to find escapes. These tools help address immediate issues that may arise from the events of life, and build resilience over time, by calming the emotions that may arise over time. The exercises below are a starting point on this journey. It’s important to have the support of accountability partners, coaches, and counselors—while adopting and maintaining these practices. ___________________________________________ Gratitude List Frequently (daily or several times a week) list the things that you are grateful for. It doesn’t have to be exhaustive. Writing gratitude journals has a number of benefits. Go to a quiet place near water, or in the mountains and sit and list all the things that you are thankful for. Click here for the list and research. Breathing techniques Breathing techniques help manage short-term emotional disturbances by directly influencing the autonomic nervous system (ANS), particularly the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which is responsible for the body’s “rest and digest” response. During periods of stress or emotional distress, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS)—the “fight or flight” system—becomes dominant, leading to increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and heightened anxiety. By consciously altering the breathing pattern, such as slowing down the breath or extending the exhale, these techniques activate the PNS. This helps to:
In the short term, breathing exercises can quickly de-escalate intense emotions, such as anxiety, anger, or panic, and help regain control over one’s physiological state. Long-Term Benefits and Building Resilience in the Autonomic Nervous System Over time, regular practice of breathing techniques helps build resilience in the autonomic nervous system by improving the balance between the SNS and PNS. This long-term resilience is achieved through:
Common Breathing Techniques 4-7-8 Breathing: How to Perform:
Diaphragmatic (Belly) Breathing: How to Perform: Place one hand on the chest and the other on the belly. Inhale deeply through the nose, allowing the diaphragm (and belly) to expand, while the chest remains still. Exhale slowly through the mouth. Continue for several minutes. Box Breathing (Square Breathing): How to Perform: Inhale for a count of 4, Hold the breath for a count of 4, Exhale for a count of 4, Hold the breath again for a count of 4, Repeat the cycle. Alternate Nostril Breathing (Nadi Shodhana): How to Perform: Close the right nostril with the thumb, Inhale through the left nostril, Close the left nostril with the ring finger, release the thumb, and exhale through the right nostril, Inhale through the right nostril, then close it and exhale through the left nostril, Repeat the cycle. Breathing techniques like 4-7-8, diaphragmatic breathing, and box breathing provide immediate relief from emotional disturbances by calming the nervous system and reducing the stress response. Long-term practice builds resilience in the autonomic nervous system by improving vagal tone, HRV, and emotional regulation, leading to better overall stress management and emotional health. ___________________________________________ Turning away from disturbing thoughts Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz’s four-step approach is a cognitive-behavioral technique designed to help individuals manage and overcome deceptive brain messages, which are unhelpful or unhealthy thoughts, urges, or impulses that can lead to negative behaviors and emotional distress. This method is particularly effective for conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) but can also be applied to other mental health challenges. Four-Step Approach:
Why Schwartz Suggests This Technique Works: Dr. Schwartz’s approach is rooted in the concept of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change and rewire itself in response to new experiences and behaviors. By consistently applying the four steps, individuals can weaken the old, unhealthy brain circuits that produce deceptive messages and strengthen new, healthier circuits that align with their true values and goals. The technique works because it combines mindfulness with behavioral modification, helping individuals become more aware of their thoughts and take control of their responses. Through repetition and refocusing, the brain gradually rewires itself, reducing the impact of deceptive brain messages and promoting healthier thought patterns and behaviors. In summary, Schwartz’s four-step approach helps individuals manage and ultimately overcome unhelpful brain processes by leveraging the brain’s natural capacity for change, promoting healing, and fostering a sense of control over one’s mental and emotional life. ___________________________________________ Mindfulness Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), developed by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, is an evidence-based program designed to help individuals manage stress, pain, and various psychological challenges through mindfulness practices. MBSR integrates mindfulness meditation, body awareness, and yoga to cultivate a non-judgmental awareness of the present moment. It is widely used in healthcare, education, and corporate settings to promote mental and physical well-being. The method offers a comprehensive approach to managing stress and improving well-being through mindfulness practices like meditation, body awareness, and mindful movement. Mindfulness Meditation - Participants are guided to focus on their breath, bodily sensations, thoughts, or emotions with a non-judgmental awareness. Types of Meditation:
Resources for MBSR Guided Meditations: Available in audio or video formats to help with meditation, body scan, and mindful movement practices (many on youtube). Books: Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books, such as “Full Catastrophe Living” and “Wherever You Go, There You Are,” are foundational texts for MBSR practice. Workshops and Retreats: In-person or online MBSR courses and retreats are available for immersive learning experiences. Apps: Various mindfulness apps offer guided meditations and mindfulness practices based on MBSR principles. There are both short term benefits including reduced stress, improved focus, better emotional regulation (critical in recovery), improved physical well being, and long term benefits including increased resilience, reduced anxiety, improved self awareness (critical for inner child work). _________________________________________ Feel the feelings ... it's ok! One of the fundamental aspects of emotional well-being is acknowledging that it's perfectly okay to recognize, experience, express, and engage with feelings. Many have never been taught how to effectively acknowledge and process our emotions. Our human experience is a gift from God, and it naturally involves a wide range of emotions. Suppressing, downplaying, denying, judging, criticizing, bottling up, avoiding, or medicating to cope with our emotions is counterproductive in both the short and long term. These practices only add to our stress and anxiety levels and lead to unhealthy responses and behaviors with alcohol, pornography, food and many other forms of relief. To truly embrace the full life that God has intended for us, we must be willing to explore and experience the entire spectrum of human emotions. The secret to help arresting this cycle of behavior is - ‘just feel the feelings’. Here are simple steps to help you on this journey: Step 1: Awareness - notice the feeling. Take a deep breath in and out to center yourself. Then, turn inward and ask, "What feelings am I experiencing right now?" Pay attention to any physical sensations that you're experiencing. For example, you might be able to discern anger due to a tight sensation in your chest, or notice fear because of a jittery feeling in your hands or legs. Step 2: Say it out loud. Putting your emotions into words makes them easier to manage. How would you describe your emotional experience right now: annoyance, anger, envy, fear, disgust, disappointment, sadness, grief or something else? The more specific, the better. Describe the feeling out loud with a phrase like, "I am experiencing disappointment right now and feel really sad, and am hurting”. Step 3: Acceptance. Growing up, many of us were taught to suppress, ignore or hide our emotions. So as an adult, your first instinct might still be to minimize, ignore or stuff them. You may think, "It's wrong to feel that emotion." Research has found that suppressing our emotions can have negative consequences for both physical and mental well-being. Instead, we want to accept it. This emotion is offering you the opportunity to make a different, healthier choice. Vocalizing the feeling is an important way to minimize the power over the emotion and release the ensuing stress or need for relief. Step 4: Be with the feeling. Once you've acknowledged the emotion, embrace it and allow yourself to fully immerse in the feeling. Neurologists and experts propose that the physical sensation of an emotion typically endures for approximately 90 seconds. Make a commitment to remain with the emotion for this minute-and-a-half duration, providing it with your undivided focus. Otherwise, there is a risk of lingering emotions, such as enduring resentment and bitterness. Step 5: Stay with the feeling until it changes. At a certain point, you will notice that the feeling has changed. You might now feel calmer, like a storm has passed. You also might notice another feeling emerging in its place. This is a sign that you allowed yourself to fully experience the emotion. If the emotions persist, you can use breathing techniques to the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (see appendix). Step 6: Reflect on the belief. Research has shown that we have thousands of thoughts per day and the majority of them are negative. Being able to pause and reflect provides you the time to determine the source of the feeling. For example you may feel like an interaction with a coworker was really troubling because s/he was overbearing, and as you reflect on it you recall that you were bullied as a child and this brings up hurt filled memories and contributes tot he potency of the feeling. Summary Pivotal apps are provided as tools and techniques to help change the trajectory of negative and destructive thinking, habits, routines and behaviors. We have afflictions that lead us to unhealthy behaviors as adults to overcome lingering emotional wounds that were forged in the crucible of childhood experience. These apps are a resource to help you live life, grow and strengthen your emotional resilience, humility and vulnerability. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique Have you ever experienced it? That constriction in your chest, a relentless loop of thoughts racing through your mind? This sensation, known as anxiety, is surprisingly common and can affect people from all walks of life. It can be disconcerting and uncomfortable, often striking without warning. So, why do so many of us grapple with this distressing feeling? The reality is that most people never acquire the skills to cope with it. As discussed in the previous section, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can assist in understanding the root causes of anxiety, allowing for their gradual elimination. However, there are occasions when you require an immediate remedy for emotional overwhelm. In such instances, the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique emerges as a valuable tool. This approach aims to provide a diverting and playful distraction to reduce stress, anxiety, and manage intense emotions. Here's how it functions:
Betrayal trauma deeply affects a spouse, manifesting in emotional turmoil, haunting images, heightened alertness, sleep disturbances, anxiety, diminished self-worth, and doubts about their identity as a woman. Many men struggle to grasp the profound emotional distress even seemingly minor indiscretions can cause. Statements like, "I only watch porn occasionally," reveal a significant disconnect in understanding a woman's emotional and psychological landscape. This trauma inflicts an almost ineffable pain, and healing becomes a profoundly personal quest that demands immense love, grace, and forgiveness. While the path to recovery is intricate and extended, healing is attainable. There are ways, as discussed below, to alleviate some of the pain. Key to this process is patience, empathy, and a genuine commitment to prioritizing the affected partner's needs over one's own feelings of guilt or shame.
These ideas / suggestions for consideration may not work for everyone, they are a compilation of the most often suggested approaches to help your wife/partner work through her trauma and betrayal. Keep in the foreground that for quite a long time (years likely) she will feel unsafe, be hypervigilant questioning everything and be unable to trust and the smallest things in life can trigger an outburst from her trauma. She won’t be herself in these moments, and more than anything she needs a stable foundation. It is always advisable to work directly with a professional counselor / coach trained in betrayal trauma, porn addiction or problematic sexual disorders. You can find many competent resources at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us.
Remember, there is a little girl inside your wife who needs safety, protection, reassurance, strength, and honesty. This season of repair will require consistent and persistent effort to help her feel safe. No one is perfect, and during what feels like terrible emotional attacks, remember that she is in unspeakable pain, and her words are not coming from her heart. It will pass. Lean on your faith and others to process the experiences when necessary. Note: these are suggestions for consideration, they are not meant to be prescriptive or in any way to replace working through each of these suggestions for consideration with a trained professional. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" is a groundbreaking work by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading expert in trauma. The book delves into the nature and impact of trauma on the body and brain and explores innovative treatments beyond traditional talk therapy.
Summary:
Empathy is an emotional competency vital for fostering close connections with others, especially during challenging times. It requires the maturity to set aside one's own needs temporarily and resonate with another's emotions, making them feel genuinely understood in their struggles.
Examples
Finding acceptance, whether it's acceptance of oneself, of others, or of situations, is a fundamental aspect of personal growth and emotional well-being. It involves recognizing and coming to terms with realities that might be challenging or unpleasant without attempting to deny, resist, or change them. Here are some steps and considerations to help you cultivate acceptance:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Overview EMDR is a psychotherapeutic approach designed to help individuals process and integrate distressing memories, particularly traumatic ones. While the complete neurological underpinnings of EMDR are not yet fully understood, there are several theories and observed effects that explain how EMDR might help unlock and process troubling memories: Bilateral Stimulation and Adaptive Information Processing Model: EMDR typically involves bilateral stimulation, most commonly in the form of guided eye movements. According to Francine Shapiro, the developer of EMDR, the bilateral stimulation works in conjunction with the brain's inherent information processing system. The AIP model posits that our brains naturally move towards health and healing. When a trauma occurs, this natural processing can be disrupted, leading to the traumatic memory being stored in an isolated form with the original emotions, beliefs, and sensations. Bilateral stimulation, as used in EMDR, is believed to stimulate the brain's information processing system and facilitate the integration of these distressing memories. Working Memory Hypothesis: Some researchers propose that the eye movements in EMDR may work by taxing one's working memory. As the client recalls a distressing memory while simultaneously following the therapist's fingers with their eyes, the dual attention competes for space in the working memory. This process might lead to the memory becoming less vivid and less distressing. Neurobiological Changes: Preliminary neuroimaging studies have suggested that EMDR can produce changes in the brain's neural networks. After successful EMDR therapy, some studies have shown changes in the amygdala, hippocampus, and anterior cingulate cortex, which are areas involved in the fear response and memory processing. Desensitization: By repeatedly recalling the distressing event in a safe environment (the therapist's office) while simultaneously undergoing bilateral stimulation, the individual becomes less and less emotionally aroused by the memory, leading to desensitization. Reconsolidation of Memory: Recent theories in neuroscience suggest that when a memory is recalled, it becomes "labile" and can be modified before being stored again (or "reconsolidated"). During the EMDR process, when a distressing memory is recalled and processed, it might be stored again in a less distressing and more integrated manner. Incorporation of Positive Beliefs: A critical aspect of EMDR is not just the processing of distressing memories, but also the incorporation of positive beliefs about oneself. This reframing can lead to the individual viewing the memory in a new light. It's essential to note that while EMDR has been shown to be effective for many individuals with trauma and PTSD, it's not entirely clear which component(s) of the treatment are crucial for its efficacy. Research is ongoing, and our understanding of the mechanism of action in EMDR will likely continue to evolve. EMDR – History taking History-taking in EMDR is crucial. It allows the therapist to understand the breadth and depth of a client's traumatic experiences and their current manifestations in the client's life. The history-taking phase not only provides necessary information to guide the treatment but also aids in building rapport and trust between the therapist and the client. Here's an approach to history-taking for EMDR: Building Rapport: Establish a comfortable and safe environment for the client. Create a therapeutic relationship where the client feels understood and respected. Gather Background Information: Collect basic demographic information, reasons for seeking therapy, and a general overview of the client's history. Determine Previous Traumas: Ask about past traumatic experiences, starting from childhood and moving chronologically to the present. This can include experiences of abuse, accidents, surgeries, or any distressing and disruptive events. Assess Current Symptoms: Understand the current symptoms and challenges the client is facing. This includes physical symptoms, mental health symptoms, emotions, beliefs, and behaviors. Identify Triggers: Ask about situations, places, or people that exacerbate or trigger the symptoms. This will help in understanding the current impact of past traumas. Establish a Target Memory List: Based on the traumatic events identified, create a list of specific memories to target in EMDR processing. This list provides a roadmap for therapy, though it can be adjusted as therapy progresses. Evaluate Dissociative Symptoms: Determine if the client exhibits any signs of dissociation. Understanding this is essential as high levels of dissociation might necessitate modifications in the EMDR approach. Check for Previous Therapies: Understand any previous therapeutic interventions the client has undergone, their experiences with those therapies, and the outcomes. Assess Coping Mechanisms: Recognize the client's existing coping strategies, both adaptive and maladaptive. This can help tailor the preparation phase of EMDR. Risk Assessment: It's crucial to evaluate any risk factors, such as suicidal ideation, self-harm tendencies, or any potential harm to others. Evaluate Readiness for EMDR: Ensure the client is ready and stable enough for EMDR processing. Some clients might benefit from stabilization and grounding techniques before delving into traumatic memories. Gather Information about Support Systems: Know about the client's support systems, such as family, friends, or community resources. This information helps the therapist understand the client's external resources. The information collected during the history-taking phase provides the foundation for the EMDR treatment plan. It's essential to approach this phase with sensitivity, as discussing traumatic events can be distressing for clients. The therapist should prioritize the client's safety and well-being throughout the process. EMDR - Preparation Francine Shapiro's development of EMDR primarily focused on processing traumatic memories, but an essential component of this treatment involves ensuring that clients have tools to manage their emotional responses. Proper emotional regulation is crucial, especially during the early stages of EMDR therapy, to ensure that clients can handle distressing memories and emotions that may arise. Here are some of the emotional regulation techniques and skills often utilized in EMDR therapy: Safe or Calm Place Visualization: Clients are taught to visualize a place where they feel safe, calm, or peaceful. This can be a real or imagined place. This visualization can provide a respite during intense emotional processing. Deep Breathing: Controlled breathing can help regulate the nervous system. Slow, deep breaths can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and promote relaxation. Resource Development and Installation (RDI): This is a specific EMDR technique wherein a therapist helps the client develop internal resources. For example, a client might be guided to recall or imagine a time they felt strong, secure, or loved. The therapist then uses bilateral stimulation (like the eye movements in EMDR) to help "install" and strengthen this positive feeling. Butterfly Hug: This is a self-soothing technique where a person wraps their arms around themselves, placing a hand on each upper arm. They then alternate tapping each arm, which provides bilateral stimulation, similar to the back-and-forth eye movements in EMDR. Containment: A mental imagery technique where clients are taught to visualize placing distressing memories or emotions in a container, which can be sealed or locked. This technique provides a temporary way to set aside distressing material until they're in a safe place to process it. Grounding Techniques: Grounding exercises help clients reconnect with the present moment, especially if they become overly distressed or dissociative. Examples include: 5-4-3-2-1: Naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Feet on the Floor: Concentrating on feeling one's feet firmly planted on the ground. Positive Interweaves: During processing, if a client becomes stuck in a negative belief or is overly distressed, a therapist may use a positive cognition or positive experience to help shift the processing. Distraction Techniques: Simple tasks like counting, recalling neutral events, or engaging in a non-threatening conversation can help divert attention and decrease distress temporarily. Body Awareness and Relaxation: Checking in with one's body and releasing tension, or using progressive muscle relaxation. Bilateral Self-Stimulation: Encouraging clients to use alternating tapping on their legs or hands, or using audio tools that switch from ear to ear, can help mimic the bilateral stimulation used in EMDR. Clients are often introduced to these techniques during the preparation phase of EMDR, ensuring that they have resources and tools to manage distress both within and outside of therapy sessions. The Approach Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories. Developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s, EMDR is recognized as an effective treatment for trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The specific protocols for EMDR can vary based on the client's needs and the clinician's training, but the standard protocol involves the following eight phases: History-taking and Treatment Planning The therapist gathers information about the client's history and identifies potential target memories for EMDR processing. Preparation The therapist explains the EMDR process to the client and ensures they have adequate coping mechanisms to manage potential distress. This may involve teaching the client various relaxation techniques. Assessment The therapist and client select a specific target memory to process. They identify the associated negative belief about the self, the desired positive belief, the emotion linked to the memory, and the location of any physical sensations. Desensitization The therapist facilitates bilateral stimulation (typically using eye movements, but tactile or auditory stimuli can also be used) while the client focuses on the distressing memory. The goal is to reduce the distress level associated with the memory. Installation After the distress level has decreased, the therapist works with the client to strengthen the desired positive belief. Bilateral stimulation continues during this phase. Body Scan The client is asked to notice any residual tension or discomfort in their body related to the target memory. If any is detected, it's processed using bilateral stimulation until it's resolved. Closure If the processing of a target memory isn't completed in a session, the therapist ensures the client returns to a state of equilibrium before leaving. Techniques learned in the preparation phase might be used to achieve this. Reevaluation At the beginning of subsequent sessions, the therapist checks to ensure that the positive effects of previous sessions have been maintained and that there are no new issues or concerns. It's important to note that while the process might seem formulaic, EMDR is a flexible therapeutic approach. The therapist tailors the treatment based on the client's needs, and not every phase may be needed in every session. If someone is considering EMDR therapy, they should consult with a trained and certified EMDR therapist who can provide more detailed and individualized information. |
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