Avoidance - Why?

In her article in Psychology Today Dr Webb lays out this list of reasons we tend to avoid emotional situations:

• A feeling of being generally inferior to others with a tendency toward shame.
• Hesitance to try new activities, pursue goals, or meet new people.
• Fear of being criticized, rejected, or judged.
• A concern that others will find them lacking or even unappealing.
• Tendency to keep people at arm’s length.
• Tendency to be restricted and somewhat anxious in social settings.

She then lays out some suggested approaches:

How to Confront vs. Avoid

1. Ask yourself these questions: What did you need to avoid in your childhood home? What was going on that was difficult to deal with?
2. Know that you did the best you knew how as a child. But now, avoidance is not serving you. You can learn and implement much more effective coping strategies.
3. Become aware of your avoidant behaviors. When do you do it? Why do you do it? How do you feel before, during, and after you avoid it? Are there certain emotions you’re avoiding?
4. Identify any themes you notice. Maybe you avoid social situations? Work or school? New opportunities?
5. Create a hierarchy. A hierarchy is a system you can follow to make this process easier and more manageable. Identify things you avoid but are willing to confront at the top of the list. At the bottom of your list are things you avoid that would be extremely difficult to face. Start at the top and work your way down.
6. Learn more about childhood emotional neglect and its relationship with avoidance. This is a great way to understand the function behind your avoidant behaviors.

See more of the article by clicking here