Relabeling unwanted (deceptive) messages
A tool to counter unwanted messages
Introduction
Have you ever had thoughts come to you like "your a bad person", "you are stupid", "go ahead it won't hurt anyone..when you know what ever the temptation is will absolutely hurt others". Has it happened just out of the blue? Feels like your family would be better off if you just went away, or that God (or your higher power) couldn't possibly love you. Dr Jeffery Schwartz has been studying these aspects of the brain that he calls 'deceptive brain messages www.uclahealth.org/news/article/training-brain-reconsider-troubling-thoughts-can-ease-mental'.
The four steps summarized on the next page and detailed further in the paper was developed by Dr Jeffery Schwartz based on his 30 years of work with patients who suffer from OCD and addictions. It is an approach developed to help arrest the responses to our urges, rewire our brain and free us of the unhealthy behaviors we have adopted in our addictions. Four Step Tool
Dr Schwartz has been studying the brain for 30 years, specifically involving people who suffer from OCD, anxiety and addictions. His work chronicled in his book ‘You are not your brain’ is a detailed look at how the unhealthy brain can create unwanted thoughts, cravings, impulses and sensations (e.g. of hurting someone or urges to drink or act out) He refers to these messages as unwanted or ‘deceptive brain messages’, and a four step approach to rewire the brain over time through adopting this new technique into everyday life. Our response to these messages over time has created groves in our brain's biology called neuro pathways. They are formed as we continue to use the same responses over time (getting ice cream when I am not hungry).
Relabel - Identify your deceptive brain messages and the uncomfortable sensations; call them what they really are. Say out loud ‘I want to eat, drink or view something inappropriate for no reason’. You have what Schwartz calls Veto Power, the ability to reject the urge. It is a critical aspect of the four steps, like when we turn away from the impulse to look at a flash of light (or car accident), we have the same ability to turn away first look at a flash of light. This response is the beginning of rechanneling the neuro pathways that have developed.
Reframe - Change your perception of the importance of the deceptive brain messages; say why these thoughts, urges and impulses keep bothering you: they are false brain messages (It’s not ME, just my brain causing this compulsion, or urge, or thought). A key skill to be developed in concert is mindfulness to aid in slowing down enough to recognize when the intruding messages are coming.
Refocus - Direct your attention toward an activity or mental process that is wholesome and productive - even while the false and deceptive urges, thoughts, impulses and sensations are still present and bothering you. When you have a deceptive brain message, it has energy and it is important to do something healthy with that energy.
Revalue - clearly see the thoughts, urges and impulses for what tyey are, simply sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are not true and that have little to no value (they are something to dismiss, not focus on). This aspect of the four steps is coming to terms with who you are, and who you want to be, and that being embroiled in a continuous obsessive response of cleaning hands, checking locks, drinking excessively or watching porn is not who you want to be.
An important step in applying this tool is to spend time developing your story, journaling and sharing this with others will help reinforce your ‘true self’ and who God has called you to be, and it will be the grounding you will use as you begin to emply these four steps.
There is additional detail about the steps on the following pages. Begin to use breathing exercises where appropriate (see: the section on refocus and 4-7-8 breathing in the appendix). It will help you move closer to God’s calling and to realize you are not your brain!
Background
The four steps is a skill that may help addicts change their reactivity and compulsivity. The technique was originally developed for those suffering from OCD, but the authors have found the method can help anyone who is trying to not only change a habit but also to ultimately change their brain's wiring. Each time we drink, act out, view porn we are responding to an unwanted thought or urge. This technique is designed to help those willing to adopt the practice arrest the behavior and ultimately change their neural pathways towards healthier responses.
Dr Schwartz asserts that we receive messages from family of origin issues that cause us to have certain beliefs and as others in the field of psychotherapy like to say these generate ‘stinky thinking’: i’m bad, unwanted or unloveable are a few of the common messages that come out of dysfunctional family systems.
Deceptive brain messages and urges develop over time and become obsessive. They may include cleaning or organizing or washing hands, locking doors and other compulsions. Those who struggle with OCD struggle mightily because they know they obsess, but cannot stop, which is due to how our brain gets wired over time. The common term many have come to understand is the idea of ‘neuro-pathways’.
There are three concurrent brain activities contributing to the formation of these unwanted thoughts and urges and ultimately to the development of OCD. First is the brain creates pathways from repeated activity. Constant worrying literally creates pathways connecting neurons in the brain, resulting in a well worn path that is easy for the brain to follow. The second is focus. When there is a focused attention on worrying, it keeps the brain in a constant state and the neurons have the time to ‘glue’ together. The third has to do with exercising the pathways. The more focus put on a topic (worrying, cleaning) the stronger those pathways become. This is helpful in combating the behavior as reversing the pathways has the same effect.
In scripture we see very clearly that we are to take captive our thoughts (‘5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.’ - 2 Corinthians 10:5-8) we see that we are called to not just let any thought pass and react. We are called to investigate them, their true source and if they come from God or from the enemy.
Through his work with thousands of clients who suffer with OCD over 30 years, Dr Schwartz developed an approach that will diminish the power of the unwanted thoughts and urges and ultimately rewire the brain. He asserts that an important aspect for those who suffer from addictions is OCD patients know that they suffer from unwanted behavior. He asserts that the steps will work for those who suffer from alcohol, eating or sexual impulse disorders, but work may need to be done to ensure they have reached the end of the behaior and have a strong desire and willingness to stop.
There are a number of elements of the brain that work in concert to both perpetuate the disease as well as heal it. Like other sports, art, music or development of another skill diligence and persistence are important. What is even more important in retraining the brain is a sincere focus on mindfulness that provides the necessary awareness to redirect the thinking and over time change your brain.
The four steps overview
Each of the four steps are outlined below. There are two other aspects of the work that are important to begin to incorporate the four steps in your life. The first is to characterize who you are and who you want to be. One key element of the technique is to be able to say ‘this is not me, I don’t need to be washing the window multiple times a day’. A sincere effort at understanding your true self as a giving, loving, healthy, loveable person will be an important aspect.
The second skill that is important is developing the skill of mindfulness. There are several resources that are available. Dr Schwartz also has a technique to help build this skill. In order to redirect the deceptive brain messages it is critical to be able to detect when one has landed by being able to detect the unwanted feeling, thought or urge. This requires a certain level of awareness which is a key objective of working on being more mindful. (see appendix for an overview of Dr Schwartz’ approach to mindfulness training.
The last aspect is intended for those who suffer from alcoholism, drug, gambilng, gaming or food addiction or unhealthy sexual obsesisons and porn addiction. It is important for those who suffer from these afflictions to come to a clear sense that they are done and will do whatever it takes to quit. People who suffer from OCD know they have behaviors they want to be rid of, this is not always true of the addict until some pre-work has been done.
Relabel - Identify your deceptive brain messages and the uncomfortable sensations; call them what they really are. Say out loud ‘I want to eat, drink or view something inappropriate for no reason’. A few things that are important at this stage is that in the beginning researchers found that it gets harder the more you pay attention to what you are feeling or thinking. Also, if you are having a hard time identifying a thought or an urge, just say out loud what you are feeling and where, e.g. ‘I have a pit in my stomach’, ‘I’m feeling lonely’, ‘I’m feeling totally ignored’, ‘my stomach is tied in knots’. Over time it is possible to then begin to connect these thoughts to the unwanted behaviors.
In relabeling consider these questions:
Reframe - Change your perception of the importance of the deceptive brain messages; say why these thoughts, urges and impulses keep bothering you: they are false brain messages (It’s not ME, just my BRAN!). When the messages of being entitled to watch porn it won’t hurt anyone, or a I only had a few drinks it's ok to drive we push away that voice that says you ‘no that’s not ok, that's not who you want to be’. In Reframing we are saying to ourselves the behavior or action I’m justifying right now is not who I am. I don’t want to be unfaithful, or in the drunk tank. I don’t want to put other people at risk, I am not that person.
Additional research on the social aspects of deceptive brain messages showed that when there are feelings of social disconnection from others the intensity in the part of our brain that puts us on edge can be heightened, as our sense of self is diminished and could potentially make the deceptive brain message or urge more potent. Suggesting that the tendency for social isolation by addicts may be contributing to the unwanted urges.
There are three methods for reframing:
#1 - Reframe the biology - ‘This is not me, its just my brain’ - the important stance is to not give in to the message that its ok to act out or drink, that you are entitled, or its the only way to get rid of the pain. Recognize it for what it is.
#2 - Reframe the social pain - ‘I’m feeling rejected, this is social pain’ - pointing out when social situations that cause a feeling of rejection it can be helpful to see that it is based on innocent actions or forgetfulness on the others part
#3 - Reframe your thinking errors - looking at the messages for errors, such as I made a mistake so I must be stupid, or I disappointed somone and they are going to hate me for it.
An important tool in reframing the thinking errors is to understand the different categories of ‘stinky thinking’. The list of ‘Thinking Errors’ 1 include:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Evaluating situations, events, people, or yourself in the extremes of perfect or horrible. Also called black-and-white or polarized thinking. Example: “If I do not do this perfectly, I have failed.”
Catastrophizing: Blowing events out of proportion (exaggerating what happened) or taking it as proof that something bad is going to happen. Also called fortune-telling or worst-case-scenario thinking. Includes “what-if” thinking. Example: “What if Keith realizes I made a mistake yesterday on the project and he fires me”—even though Keith thinks highly of you.
Discounting the Positive: Devaluing your (or others’) positive qualities, attributes, or contributions, or failing to notice the positive reactions someone is having toward you. Example: “Even though I helped Keith move today and he was appreciative, I am still a loser because I forgot to bring the packing tape.”
Emotional Reasoning: Believing something is wrong with you or with your life because you are experiencing uncomfortable emotional or physical sensations generated by your Uh Oh Center. Example: “If I feel like this, something must be wrong (with me/the world).”
Mind Reading: Assuming you know what the other person is thinking, feeling, or believes based on your behavior (what you are saying, doing, how well you are communicating, your sensations, and so on) or how you are interpreting his gestures, language, tone, or behaviors. Example: “He looked away when I said I was happy to see him. He must be mad at me.”
“Should” Statements: Believing that there are only certain ways to act, behave, or interact with others. Also includes “must” or “ought to” statements that reflect and generate false expectations. When “should” statements are directed toward you, you experience guilt, remorse, regret, or anger toward yourself. When “should” statements are directed outward (e.g., other people, society), you experience anger, resentment, or frustration toward them. Example: “I should help Keith with his move today or I am not a good friend.” The above thinking errors are adapted from David D. Burns, Feeling Good (New York: Harper, 1999). Faulty Comparisons: Believing that your current situation is somehow worse than someone else’s or how you imagined it would be. When you compare, you discount the positive and rely heavily on “should” statements (among other thinking errors).
False Expectations: Allowing your anticipation of a specific result to negatively affect your brain and body. Often occurs with “should” statements, but can occur with any of the thinking errors and can equally apply to you, to situations, or to the people in your life.
Refocus - Direct your attention toward an activity or mental process that is wholesome and productive - even while the false and deceptive urges, thoughts, impulses and sensations are still present and bothering you. When you have a deceptive brain message, it has energy and it is important to do something healthy with that energy.
Find healthy activities regardless of the situation. The basic message is to get up, get out and do something that is not in direct response to the urge or thought. What is important is to not try to get rid of the thoughts, feelings or urges but to redirect what your doing. As Dr Schwartz reiterates in the book often ‘its not what you think or how you feel that matters, its what you do that counts.’ Work towards a new healthy activity while the thoughts, impulses, urges and sensations are present. By doing this difficult work (and it can be difficult at times) the strengthening effect discussed previously is working in your favor, allowing the new pathways to be formed and be stronger, diminishing the desire to react and go down the old pathways.
One aspect that is particularly important during the refocus phase may require a breathing technique. Breathing has many positive effects for the brain. A recent study in the Journal of Neurophysiology showed that intentional breathing improved the parts of the brain that reduce stress and increase awareness in the body.
Revalue - clearly see the thoughts, urges and impulses for what tyey are, simply sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are not true and that have little to no value (they are something to dismiss, not focus on). This aspect of the four steps is coming to terms with who you are, and who you want to be. It may be that you are a person of great faith and wish to encourage and disciple to others, or have a real desire for the arts, or want to teach or serve in the community in some other way. The point is there is a ‘you’ and it you are not your brain. You are a loved person, who can love yourself and others. Coming to this point and being able to articulate your value, and who you are as a person is an integral part of the method and continues to solidify the new pathways and changes that are taking place in your brain.
Schwartz refers to David Richo’s book “How to be an adult in a relationship”, where he describes the five attributes we seek from others: Attention, Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation and Allowing. Richio states that in childhood there are many ways in which these needs are not fulfilled by others, in fact he states that it is unlikely that any one person will ever be able to fulfill 25% of these needs. Therefore, on your quest to be your true self, you will want to find ways to fulfillment through gratitudes, and affirmations for yourself, as well as reflecting on God’s will for your life and who He is calling you to be.
Mindfulness Meditation
There are a number of methods to developing a mindfulness practice. Most involve sitting quietly, in an upright position with a straight back and either legs folded or feet on the floor. Alternatively there are practices that suggest lying on your back is the best posture. The idea is to breathe normally while focusing either on the rise and fall of your belly or on the breath going in and out of your nostrils. As you breathe the intention is to empty your mind of all external worries, thoughts and memories and just focus on the breath. Many techniques also suggest that you speak some mantra. As an example, as you are focusing on the breath you may say ‘Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me’ over and over throughout the practice.
Your Deceptive Brain Messages
Doctor Schwartz continues to refer to deceptive brain messages, but he really uses the term to describe unwanted thoughts or urges that lead to undesirable behaviors. Consider journaling about yours: name them, when they most often arise and their potency. It may be boredom causes a sense of abandonment, being unheard leads to feelings of being ignored, criticism equates to feeling stupid.
Remember that there are also messages and urges that have little to do with the past like checking locks, cleaning incessantly, washing hands or other items around the house for seemingly no reason, or picking up a drink or logging onto a porn site. All of these you know are not who you are. His research shows that these are messages that are generated from defects in our brain operation and chemistry. Keep in mind when the thought/urge comes to go to the computer because ‘it’s not going to hurt anyone’, or to the fridge when you aren’t really hungry, or to grab the next drink, relabel, reframe, refocus and revalue.
It’s not you, it's just your brain.
References
MD, Jeffrey Schwartz. You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life . Penguin Publishing Group.
Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sounds True, Inc.; 1st edition (July 1, 2016)
4 7 8 Breathing https://www.drweil.com/videos-features/videos/breathing-exercises-4-7-8-breath/
A tool to counter unwanted messages
Introduction
Have you ever had thoughts come to you like "your a bad person", "you are stupid", "go ahead it won't hurt anyone..when you know what ever the temptation is will absolutely hurt others". Has it happened just out of the blue? Feels like your family would be better off if you just went away, or that God (or your higher power) couldn't possibly love you. Dr Jeffery Schwartz has been studying these aspects of the brain that he calls 'deceptive brain messages www.uclahealth.org/news/article/training-brain-reconsider-troubling-thoughts-can-ease-mental'.
The four steps summarized on the next page and detailed further in the paper was developed by Dr Jeffery Schwartz based on his 30 years of work with patients who suffer from OCD and addictions. It is an approach developed to help arrest the responses to our urges, rewire our brain and free us of the unhealthy behaviors we have adopted in our addictions. Four Step Tool
Dr Schwartz has been studying the brain for 30 years, specifically involving people who suffer from OCD, anxiety and addictions. His work chronicled in his book ‘You are not your brain’ is a detailed look at how the unhealthy brain can create unwanted thoughts, cravings, impulses and sensations (e.g. of hurting someone or urges to drink or act out) He refers to these messages as unwanted or ‘deceptive brain messages’, and a four step approach to rewire the brain over time through adopting this new technique into everyday life. Our response to these messages over time has created groves in our brain's biology called neuro pathways. They are formed as we continue to use the same responses over time (getting ice cream when I am not hungry).
Relabel - Identify your deceptive brain messages and the uncomfortable sensations; call them what they really are. Say out loud ‘I want to eat, drink or view something inappropriate for no reason’. You have what Schwartz calls Veto Power, the ability to reject the urge. It is a critical aspect of the four steps, like when we turn away from the impulse to look at a flash of light (or car accident), we have the same ability to turn away first look at a flash of light. This response is the beginning of rechanneling the neuro pathways that have developed.
Reframe - Change your perception of the importance of the deceptive brain messages; say why these thoughts, urges and impulses keep bothering you: they are false brain messages (It’s not ME, just my brain causing this compulsion, or urge, or thought). A key skill to be developed in concert is mindfulness to aid in slowing down enough to recognize when the intruding messages are coming.
Refocus - Direct your attention toward an activity or mental process that is wholesome and productive - even while the false and deceptive urges, thoughts, impulses and sensations are still present and bothering you. When you have a deceptive brain message, it has energy and it is important to do something healthy with that energy.
Revalue - clearly see the thoughts, urges and impulses for what tyey are, simply sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are not true and that have little to no value (they are something to dismiss, not focus on). This aspect of the four steps is coming to terms with who you are, and who you want to be, and that being embroiled in a continuous obsessive response of cleaning hands, checking locks, drinking excessively or watching porn is not who you want to be.
An important step in applying this tool is to spend time developing your story, journaling and sharing this with others will help reinforce your ‘true self’ and who God has called you to be, and it will be the grounding you will use as you begin to emply these four steps.
There is additional detail about the steps on the following pages. Begin to use breathing exercises where appropriate (see: the section on refocus and 4-7-8 breathing in the appendix). It will help you move closer to God’s calling and to realize you are not your brain!
Background
The four steps is a skill that may help addicts change their reactivity and compulsivity. The technique was originally developed for those suffering from OCD, but the authors have found the method can help anyone who is trying to not only change a habit but also to ultimately change their brain's wiring. Each time we drink, act out, view porn we are responding to an unwanted thought or urge. This technique is designed to help those willing to adopt the practice arrest the behavior and ultimately change their neural pathways towards healthier responses.
Dr Schwartz asserts that we receive messages from family of origin issues that cause us to have certain beliefs and as others in the field of psychotherapy like to say these generate ‘stinky thinking’: i’m bad, unwanted or unloveable are a few of the common messages that come out of dysfunctional family systems.
Deceptive brain messages and urges develop over time and become obsessive. They may include cleaning or organizing or washing hands, locking doors and other compulsions. Those who struggle with OCD struggle mightily because they know they obsess, but cannot stop, which is due to how our brain gets wired over time. The common term many have come to understand is the idea of ‘neuro-pathways’.
There are three concurrent brain activities contributing to the formation of these unwanted thoughts and urges and ultimately to the development of OCD. First is the brain creates pathways from repeated activity. Constant worrying literally creates pathways connecting neurons in the brain, resulting in a well worn path that is easy for the brain to follow. The second is focus. When there is a focused attention on worrying, it keeps the brain in a constant state and the neurons have the time to ‘glue’ together. The third has to do with exercising the pathways. The more focus put on a topic (worrying, cleaning) the stronger those pathways become. This is helpful in combating the behavior as reversing the pathways has the same effect.
In scripture we see very clearly that we are to take captive our thoughts (‘5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.’ - 2 Corinthians 10:5-8) we see that we are called to not just let any thought pass and react. We are called to investigate them, their true source and if they come from God or from the enemy.
Through his work with thousands of clients who suffer with OCD over 30 years, Dr Schwartz developed an approach that will diminish the power of the unwanted thoughts and urges and ultimately rewire the brain. He asserts that an important aspect for those who suffer from addictions is OCD patients know that they suffer from unwanted behavior. He asserts that the steps will work for those who suffer from alcohol, eating or sexual impulse disorders, but work may need to be done to ensure they have reached the end of the behaior and have a strong desire and willingness to stop.
There are a number of elements of the brain that work in concert to both perpetuate the disease as well as heal it. Like other sports, art, music or development of another skill diligence and persistence are important. What is even more important in retraining the brain is a sincere focus on mindfulness that provides the necessary awareness to redirect the thinking and over time change your brain.
The four steps overview
Each of the four steps are outlined below. There are two other aspects of the work that are important to begin to incorporate the four steps in your life. The first is to characterize who you are and who you want to be. One key element of the technique is to be able to say ‘this is not me, I don’t need to be washing the window multiple times a day’. A sincere effort at understanding your true self as a giving, loving, healthy, loveable person will be an important aspect.
The second skill that is important is developing the skill of mindfulness. There are several resources that are available. Dr Schwartz also has a technique to help build this skill. In order to redirect the deceptive brain messages it is critical to be able to detect when one has landed by being able to detect the unwanted feeling, thought or urge. This requires a certain level of awareness which is a key objective of working on being more mindful. (see appendix for an overview of Dr Schwartz’ approach to mindfulness training.
The last aspect is intended for those who suffer from alcoholism, drug, gambilng, gaming or food addiction or unhealthy sexual obsesisons and porn addiction. It is important for those who suffer from these afflictions to come to a clear sense that they are done and will do whatever it takes to quit. People who suffer from OCD know they have behaviors they want to be rid of, this is not always true of the addict until some pre-work has been done.
Relabel - Identify your deceptive brain messages and the uncomfortable sensations; call them what they really are. Say out loud ‘I want to eat, drink or view something inappropriate for no reason’. A few things that are important at this stage is that in the beginning researchers found that it gets harder the more you pay attention to what you are feeling or thinking. Also, if you are having a hard time identifying a thought or an urge, just say out loud what you are feeling and where, e.g. ‘I have a pit in my stomach’, ‘I’m feeling lonely’, ‘I’m feeling totally ignored’, ‘my stomach is tied in knots’. Over time it is possible to then begin to connect these thoughts to the unwanted behaviors.
In relabeling consider these questions:
- Is this action I am about to do, helping or hiring me?
- Is it aligned with my true goals and values?
- Am I avoiding something right now?
- What is motivating me to do this?
- Why am I about to do this?
Reframe - Change your perception of the importance of the deceptive brain messages; say why these thoughts, urges and impulses keep bothering you: they are false brain messages (It’s not ME, just my BRAN!). When the messages of being entitled to watch porn it won’t hurt anyone, or a I only had a few drinks it's ok to drive we push away that voice that says you ‘no that’s not ok, that's not who you want to be’. In Reframing we are saying to ourselves the behavior or action I’m justifying right now is not who I am. I don’t want to be unfaithful, or in the drunk tank. I don’t want to put other people at risk, I am not that person.
Additional research on the social aspects of deceptive brain messages showed that when there are feelings of social disconnection from others the intensity in the part of our brain that puts us on edge can be heightened, as our sense of self is diminished and could potentially make the deceptive brain message or urge more potent. Suggesting that the tendency for social isolation by addicts may be contributing to the unwanted urges.
There are three methods for reframing:
#1 - Reframe the biology - ‘This is not me, its just my brain’ - the important stance is to not give in to the message that its ok to act out or drink, that you are entitled, or its the only way to get rid of the pain. Recognize it for what it is.
#2 - Reframe the social pain - ‘I’m feeling rejected, this is social pain’ - pointing out when social situations that cause a feeling of rejection it can be helpful to see that it is based on innocent actions or forgetfulness on the others part
#3 - Reframe your thinking errors - looking at the messages for errors, such as I made a mistake so I must be stupid, or I disappointed somone and they are going to hate me for it.
An important tool in reframing the thinking errors is to understand the different categories of ‘stinky thinking’. The list of ‘Thinking Errors’ 1 include:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Evaluating situations, events, people, or yourself in the extremes of perfect or horrible. Also called black-and-white or polarized thinking. Example: “If I do not do this perfectly, I have failed.”
Catastrophizing: Blowing events out of proportion (exaggerating what happened) or taking it as proof that something bad is going to happen. Also called fortune-telling or worst-case-scenario thinking. Includes “what-if” thinking. Example: “What if Keith realizes I made a mistake yesterday on the project and he fires me”—even though Keith thinks highly of you.
Discounting the Positive: Devaluing your (or others’) positive qualities, attributes, or contributions, or failing to notice the positive reactions someone is having toward you. Example: “Even though I helped Keith move today and he was appreciative, I am still a loser because I forgot to bring the packing tape.”
Emotional Reasoning: Believing something is wrong with you or with your life because you are experiencing uncomfortable emotional or physical sensations generated by your Uh Oh Center. Example: “If I feel like this, something must be wrong (with me/the world).”
Mind Reading: Assuming you know what the other person is thinking, feeling, or believes based on your behavior (what you are saying, doing, how well you are communicating, your sensations, and so on) or how you are interpreting his gestures, language, tone, or behaviors. Example: “He looked away when I said I was happy to see him. He must be mad at me.”
“Should” Statements: Believing that there are only certain ways to act, behave, or interact with others. Also includes “must” or “ought to” statements that reflect and generate false expectations. When “should” statements are directed toward you, you experience guilt, remorse, regret, or anger toward yourself. When “should” statements are directed outward (e.g., other people, society), you experience anger, resentment, or frustration toward them. Example: “I should help Keith with his move today or I am not a good friend.” The above thinking errors are adapted from David D. Burns, Feeling Good (New York: Harper, 1999). Faulty Comparisons: Believing that your current situation is somehow worse than someone else’s or how you imagined it would be. When you compare, you discount the positive and rely heavily on “should” statements (among other thinking errors).
False Expectations: Allowing your anticipation of a specific result to negatively affect your brain and body. Often occurs with “should” statements, but can occur with any of the thinking errors and can equally apply to you, to situations, or to the people in your life.
Refocus - Direct your attention toward an activity or mental process that is wholesome and productive - even while the false and deceptive urges, thoughts, impulses and sensations are still present and bothering you. When you have a deceptive brain message, it has energy and it is important to do something healthy with that energy.
Find healthy activities regardless of the situation. The basic message is to get up, get out and do something that is not in direct response to the urge or thought. What is important is to not try to get rid of the thoughts, feelings or urges but to redirect what your doing. As Dr Schwartz reiterates in the book often ‘its not what you think or how you feel that matters, its what you do that counts.’ Work towards a new healthy activity while the thoughts, impulses, urges and sensations are present. By doing this difficult work (and it can be difficult at times) the strengthening effect discussed previously is working in your favor, allowing the new pathways to be formed and be stronger, diminishing the desire to react and go down the old pathways.
One aspect that is particularly important during the refocus phase may require a breathing technique. Breathing has many positive effects for the brain. A recent study in the Journal of Neurophysiology showed that intentional breathing improved the parts of the brain that reduce stress and increase awareness in the body.
Revalue - clearly see the thoughts, urges and impulses for what tyey are, simply sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that are not true and that have little to no value (they are something to dismiss, not focus on). This aspect of the four steps is coming to terms with who you are, and who you want to be. It may be that you are a person of great faith and wish to encourage and disciple to others, or have a real desire for the arts, or want to teach or serve in the community in some other way. The point is there is a ‘you’ and it you are not your brain. You are a loved person, who can love yourself and others. Coming to this point and being able to articulate your value, and who you are as a person is an integral part of the method and continues to solidify the new pathways and changes that are taking place in your brain.
Schwartz refers to David Richo’s book “How to be an adult in a relationship”, where he describes the five attributes we seek from others: Attention, Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation and Allowing. Richio states that in childhood there are many ways in which these needs are not fulfilled by others, in fact he states that it is unlikely that any one person will ever be able to fulfill 25% of these needs. Therefore, on your quest to be your true self, you will want to find ways to fulfillment through gratitudes, and affirmations for yourself, as well as reflecting on God’s will for your life and who He is calling you to be.
Mindfulness Meditation
There are a number of methods to developing a mindfulness practice. Most involve sitting quietly, in an upright position with a straight back and either legs folded or feet on the floor. Alternatively there are practices that suggest lying on your back is the best posture. The idea is to breathe normally while focusing either on the rise and fall of your belly or on the breath going in and out of your nostrils. As you breathe the intention is to empty your mind of all external worries, thoughts and memories and just focus on the breath. Many techniques also suggest that you speak some mantra. As an example, as you are focusing on the breath you may say ‘Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me’ over and over throughout the practice.
Your Deceptive Brain Messages
Doctor Schwartz continues to refer to deceptive brain messages, but he really uses the term to describe unwanted thoughts or urges that lead to undesirable behaviors. Consider journaling about yours: name them, when they most often arise and their potency. It may be boredom causes a sense of abandonment, being unheard leads to feelings of being ignored, criticism equates to feeling stupid.
Remember that there are also messages and urges that have little to do with the past like checking locks, cleaning incessantly, washing hands or other items around the house for seemingly no reason, or picking up a drink or logging onto a porn site. All of these you know are not who you are. His research shows that these are messages that are generated from defects in our brain operation and chemistry. Keep in mind when the thought/urge comes to go to the computer because ‘it’s not going to hurt anyone’, or to the fridge when you aren’t really hungry, or to grab the next drink, relabel, reframe, refocus and revalue.
It’s not you, it's just your brain.
References
MD, Jeffrey Schwartz. You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life . Penguin Publishing Group.
Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sounds True, Inc.; 1st edition (July 1, 2016)
4 7 8 Breathing https://www.drweil.com/videos-features/videos/breathing-exercises-4-7-8-breath/